Training and Doctrine Command (TRADOC) Army Spouse Protocol

Training and

Doctrine Command

(TRADOC)

Army

Spouse

Protocol and Social

Guide

Fort Eustis, Virginia

Email: usarmy.jble.tradoc.mbx.hq-tradoc[email protected]

Website: http://www.tradoc.army.mil/eso/pdfs/spousesguide.pdf

757-501-5193

Updated August 2017

TRADOC

Victory Starts Here…!

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Part I: Protocol, Customs and Courtesies

Introduction

Chapter I: What is Tradition, Protocol and Etiquette?

Chapter II: Official Ceremony Etiquette

3-4

Display of and Honors to the U.S. Flag, Honors to Personnel Entitled to

Honors, The Army Song, Seating

Chapter III: Social Functions, Official Dinners, and Receptions

5-10

Hostess Gifts, Centerpieces, Candles, Nametags, Receiving Lines,

Formal Place Setting, Toasts, Seating, The Introduction, Official

Representation Funds

Chapter IV: Invitations and R.s.v.p.s

11-13

Invitations, Elements of an Invitation, Addressing Envelopes,

R.s.v.p.s,, Sample Invitation

Chapter V: Attire

Part II: Planning Guide for Training and Doctrine Command (TRADOC)

Headquarters (HQ) Spouse Welcomes and Farewells

Chapter VI: Helpful Guidelines for Planning Spouse Welcomes and

Farewells

16-26

General Information, Official Host/Hostess, Planning, Whom to Invite,

Committee Responsibilities

Chapter VII: Samples

27-34

Invitation, Reservations Sheet, Planning Checklist, Timeline

Checklist, Welcomes and Farewells Activity Planning Worksheet and

After Action Report, Awards Reference Chart

Part III: Command Team Transitions

36-38

Part IV: Army Spouse Customs and Traditions “A-Z”

40-50

Part V: References, Resources and Acknowledgments

INTRODUCTION

The Army is an organization richly steeped in tradition, most of which is rooted in

its earliest beginnings. Being an Army spouse is very exciting, but it will likely

introduce a person to a whole new world of customs, etiquette, courtesies, traditions

and protocols. The wealth of information available pertaining to these areas resides in

many books, guides, pamphlets, official regulations and websites. It can seem

somewhat overwhelming and intimidating, but it need not be. The intent in writing this

guide is to provide Training and Doctrine Command spouses with a short reference

guide touching on the basics and capturing some of the long-standing Army and

spouse traditions you may encounter. It provides a baseline or foundation from which

to plan. It does not capture information on every topic in these areas or address every

possible situation that might arise. We recognize that the world is rapidly changing and

many social transitions have occurred. As the title implies, use this as a guide and

recognize the importance of tradition. Expand upon it to fit your unique event as the

circumstance or social environment dictates recognizing that in many situations there

are exceptions. Of most importance, enjoy your time as an Army spouse having the

opportunity to touch the lives of others with your social graces, kindness and warm

hospitality.

~ PART ONE ~

Protocol Customs and

Courtesies

CHAPTER I: WHAT IS TRADITION, PROTOCOL, AND ETIQUETTE?

Tradition

Tradition is the handing down of statements, legends, customs, etc. from generation to

generation by word of mouth. It is the practice of an unwritten body of law and

doctrine.

Protocol

While good manners are the rules followed in everyday contact with other people,

protocol is the set of rules which prescribes good manners in official life and in

ceremonies involving governments and nations and their representatives. It is the

recognized system of international courtesy. Accepted protocol practices and

procedures have developed gradually through the centuries.* Protocol is considered

the “science,” i.e. the governing rules for good manners.

* From Protocol, The Complete Handbook of Diplomatic, Official and Social Usage

Etiquette

As defined by Merriam-Webster, etiquette is the conduct or procedure required by

good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life. There

is more than just learning the rules and mechanics of good behavior. It means

showing kindness and concern for everyone and respect for the feelings of others. The

consideration you grant someone as a person should be done because that person is a

human being, not just because that person is important or of high rank. Etiquette is not

just an ornate show of ceremony; it reflects the observance of mutual respect and

consideration between individuals as well as nations. Etiquette is the “art” of the

application of rules and principles.

CHAPTER II: OFFICIAL CEREMONY ETIQUETTE

Official ceremonies are part of Army and military traditions. Most will attend some type

of official ceremony during their association with the Army. The Change of Command

Ceremony is one of the most common and is rooted in military history dating back to

the 18th Century. At that time, organizational flags were developed with color

arrangements and symbols unique to each unit. The flag served as a rallying point and

reminder of their allegiance to their leader during battle. To this flag and its

commander, military members dedicated their loyalty and trust. When a change of

command took place, the flag was passed to the individual assuming command in the

presence of the entire unit. All unit members could witness their new leader assume

the responsibility and trust associated with the position of commander. He who

possessed the flag also held the unit members’ allegiance. This symbolic tradition has

survived throughout military history. In light of its history, actions associated with

ceremonies are important.

Incoming Spouses: For incoming spouses, this is often your first appearance in front

of everyone and will shape their impression of you. It will be important to know

ceremony procedures such as how to honor the flag and words to songs. Remember

to stand when presented with flowers and/or gifts. It is also a kind gesture to extend

words of thanks or written thank you notes to those who played a pivotal role in your

transition.

Outgoing Spouses: For outgoing spouses, this is an opportunity to set your successor

up for success. Your willingness to provide as much assistance as possible with the

transition and making contact with them beforehand to address any concerns will be

most appreciated. Since you know the rules and procedures at your location, your

assistance will be invaluable to help ensure the process goes well for the incoming

team. Since you will likely receive flowers and/or a gift, also, remember to stand when

you are receiving them. Also, don’t forget to extend a simple word of thanks or to send

thank-you notes to those who have been instrumental in your success.

Display of and Honors to the U.S. flag

The display of our National Colors plays an important role in honoring both our heritage

and the history of the country we serve and defend. There are definitive guidelines and

proper ways to display our flag with dignity and honor. The flag should never be used

as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery. It should never be festooned nor drawn back

or up. Bunting of blue, white, and red, always arranged with the blue above, the white

in the middle, and the red below, should be used for covering a speaker’s desk,

draping the front of the platform, and for decorating, in general. No disrespect should

be shown to the flag of the United States of America; the flag is not to be dipped to any

person or thing. Unit colors, State flags, and organizational or institutional flags are to

be dipped as a mark of honor. The flag should never touch anything beneath it, such

as the ground, the floor, water, or merchandise.

1. Honors to the U.S. flag during a ceremony. There will often be Honors to the Nation

during a ceremony which is the playing of our National Anthem. Whether indoors or

outdoors, civilians should render honors during the playing of the National Anthem.

This means they should stand at attention, face the flag if present and visible, and

place their right hand over their heart; men should remove their headdress. If the flag

is not seen, they should face the location of the band or music. For an outdoor

ceremony where there is a Pass in Review and individuals are passed by uncased

Colors, they should, likewise, render honors. As a note, standing at attention is a mark

of respect that should be shown to the national anthem of any friendly country when

played during official occasions.

2. Honors to the U.S. flag during Reveille or Retreat. During the ceremony of hoisting

or lowering the flag all people present except those in uniform should face the flag and

stand at attention with the right hand over the heart. Civilians should remove their

headgear with their right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the hand being over the

heart. If driving in a vehicle during the playing of Retreat, the operator must come to a

complete stop until the playing of the National Anthem is complete and the flag is

secured. An individual may stand outside of his/her vehicle to render appropriate

honors.

3. Honors to the U.S. flag at other times. During the playing of Taps, the Pledge of

Allegiance or the movement of a casket, it is appropriate for civilians to place their

hand over their heart as a sign of respect.

Honors to personnel entitled to honors

During a ceremony, military and civilian personnel entitled to honors will receive the

appropriate number of guns, ruffles and flourishes as identified in Army Regulation

600-25 and a hand salute from military personnel as a symbol of respect. Civilians are

not required to render the hand salute to either military or civilian personnel entitled to

honors, but should face the ceremonial party and stand at attention. For men wearing

a headdress, it should be removed (ladies never do so).

The Army Song

The official Army song, “The Army Goes Rolling Along,” was formally dedicated by the

Secretary of the Army on Veterans Day, 11 November 1956. Army personnel stand at

attention whenever the official song is play. Although there is no directive in this

regard, other personnel are encouraged to give tribute to the Army by standing at

attention when it is played.

Seating

Seating at ceremonies is always something requiring careful attention. For Change of

Command/Responsibility ceremonies, the position of honor is reserved for the outgoing

commander. It is difficult to depict seating because of all of the unknown variables, but

when facing the field, the reviewing officer (or host) presiding over the ceremony should

be in the first seat in the right tent or on the right side of the aisle if only using one large

tent or seating area. The outgoing commander should be seated to the immediate right

of the host. The incoming commander should be seated in the first seat in the left tent or

on the left side of the center aisle. Spouses should be seated just after their counterpart.

Protocol dictates that the families of both be seated next. Depending on the number of

seats available, guests expected, and wishes of the host and honorees, the personally

invited guests should be as close to the reviewing party as possible. VIPs should be

seated according to the Army’s Order of Precedence. Keep in mind that the layout may

not support seating command teams together.

CHAPTER III: SOCIAL FUNCTIONS, OFFICIAL DINNERS, AND

RECEPTIONS

There are various topics that arise when either hosting or attending socials, dinners

and receptions. Some of the more common topics include gifts, menu cards, name

tags, and receiving lines.

Host/Hostess Gifts

Taking a hostess gift when you have dinner in someone’s home is becoming a

common practice in the military services. The gift need not be expensive. Typical gifts

are flowers, wine, candy, note cards, and homemade goodies. When determining what

host/hostess gift to take, you may want to consider a gift that will not take the

host/hostess away from his/her guests. Be sure to enclose or attach a gift tag

identifying who brought the gift (unless you are the only guest). The host/hostess will

appreciate the reminder when he/she opens the gift after all of the guests leave.

Although appropriate, it is not necessary to send a Thank You note for a host/hostess

gift.

Centerpieces

Diners should always be able to see over the centerpiece. Centerpieces do not need to

be elaborate.

Candles

The flames from lit candles should be either above or below eye-level.

Nametags

Use of nametags is optional, depending on desires of the host and hostess. Nametags

primarily assist the visiting guests with remembering the names and ranks of all the

staff members and their spouses. The preference is to wear nametags on the right-

hand side of the shoulder area so that when you extend your right hand for a

handshake, the line of sight is to the other person’s right side. There is no regulation

governing nametags, so at informal functions it may be preferable to print first

(preferred or nickname) and last name. Use of calligraphy, which isn’t extremely

ornate, is appropriate. At a casual, in-house affair, the host or hostess may prefer to

use first and last names only without titles and rank. Nametags have an additional

purpose at an official dinner. As the guests pick up their nametags, you can tell if some

of the Distinguished Visitors (DVs) have not arrived and you may want to delay dinner

until they do.

Receiving Lines

There is no ironclad rule for the formation and location of receiving lines; often times

you will have to make a case-by-case judgment depending on circumstances.

Typically, the receiving line is formed first by an adjutant or announcer, followed by the

Commanding General, the Commanding General’s spouse, the Command Sergeant

Major (CSM), and the CSM’s spouse. The receiving line may also include a Guest of

Honor and Guest of Honor spouse in lieu of the CSM and CSM spouse. A couple of

notes:

 The announcer is usually an aide or executive officer who starts the line and

introduces the guests to the receiving line participants. Their role is to introduce

not to greet guests, so they do not offer to shake hands.

 For Army functions, ladies precede their husband or accompanying gentleman

guest through the line. The gentleman guest, however, will present both he and

his spouse/female guest to the adjutant. As a note, for Air Force functions, the

sponsor precedes the spouse. An item for consideration is how to treat same-

gender couples and couples where the sponsor is a female. You will have to

determine the preference of your host and what works best at your location, but

one recommendation is to continue the tradition of “ladies first” as a general rule

and for instances of same gender couples to have the invited guest or sponsor

precede their guest in the line.

 A receiving line provides an opportunity to ensure that the hosts meet every

invited guest. Receiving line members should try to remember to keep

conversations to a minimum so that the line moves in a timely manner.

Lengthier conversations may occur during the social event or reception.

 The official party should stand on the red carpet allowing guests to pass by in

front of it. This will assist with ensuring that guests don’t trip on the red carpet.

 Drinks and cigarettes are not appropriate in the receiving line.

Formal Place Setting Example

Although most very formal entertaining has disappeared, there may be official or state

functions that senior leaders might be asked to host or attend. While you may not

regularly entertain in this manner, you may find that you are a host or guest of such an

event. The place setting example below may be beneficial in understanding some of

the elements of a formal place setting and how one might appear. Quite simply, a

formal place setting is an informal place setting taken to a higher level.

Menu Card

Salt

and

Pepper

Champagne

or sherry

glass

Soup

Bowl or

P S

 Menu Cards - Menu cards are used in a more formal setting. They may be

placed in the center of the place (or charger) plate, to the left of the forks, or on

a menu card holder.

 Salt/Pepper Shakers - Salt and pepper shakers are optional and not always

used at formal settings. If shared sets are used, they may be placed a little to

the right and below the outer glass between two settings. If individual sets are

used, they may be placed above each dessert spoon.

 Salad Knife - If there is a salad in addition to or in lieu of soup, a salad knife

may be added. Placement depends upon the course the salad represents. In

the most formal meal, the salad is served as the third course after soup and

dinner courses. In this instance the salad knife should be placed to the right of

the dinner plate and to the left of the dinner knife. If the salad is served at the

beginning of the meal, the knife would be placed to the right of the dinner knife.

Silverware is placed on the table in order of use starting on the outside of the

place setting and moving inward toward the plate.

 Champagne glass – a champagne or sherry glass may be as depicted above

for use at the beginning of the meal for a toast or if the sherry is served with

soup. Champagne may instead be served at the end of the meal with dessert

and placed to the right rear of the water glass or, if space is not an issue,

directly to the right of the water glass. The general rule is that glasses are

placed on the table in the order of use.

Toasts

Toasts are given on various occasions such as receptions, dinners, parties, and balls.

We honor individuals or institutions by raising our glasses in a salute while expressing

good wishes and drinking to the salute. Etiquette calls for all to participate. Even non-

drinkers should raise the glass to the salute. Individuals being toasted should remain

seated, nod in acknowledgement, and refrain from drinking the toast in their honor. At an

event with a Fallen Comrades ceremony, variations may occur. Some toast with wine,

others with water. Some respond to a toast to the Fallen Comrades with a response,

others do not respond to the toast, but rather observe a moment of silence in their honor.

Seating

There are different plans for seating guests at dinners and luncheons. The social

occasion will determine the best plan to use, but for the usual mixed dinner, the

traditional arrangement is often used with the host and hostess sitting at the head and

foot of the table (Figure 1). An alternate and commonly used seating arrangement

places the host and hostess at the center of the table on opposite sides from one

another (Figure 2). Some general principles are outlined below, but there are always

exceptions to the rule and instances that will require this to be modified such as an

unequal number of men and women, a single host, same-gender couples, or when

multiples of four are seated. The host’s preferences are also to be taken into

consideration. Official seating is usually prepared as described herein, but creative

ideas may be used during the social hour to encourage social interaction.

(1) Spouses are seated at dinners according to the ranks of their sponsors unless they

personally hold official positions. For example: The wife of the man at the right of the

hostess normally would sit at the right of the host. Rule to remember: The ranking female

sits to the right of the host and the ranking man to the right of the hostess.

(2) All guests are seated by rank.

(3) In completing the table plan, the second ranking man sits at the left of the hostess; the

second ranking woman at the host's left. The third ranking lady sits at the right of the first

ranking man; the fourth ranking lady at the left of the second highest ranking man. This

continues until all guests are seated. One exception to this arrangement would be if the

guest of honor was an international visitor and language capabilities are in question,

raising the need for a translator.

(4) If strict observance of rank would seat a wife next to her husband, one of them is

moved. Pick that person to be moved and his new position carefully. Cause as little

disruption of rank as possible.

(5) The host and hostess do not give up their positions at the head and foot of the table

unless a guest is the president, king, or queen of a country.

The Introduction

Introductions are very simply about meeting people and making them feel welcome.

You should smile and appear friendly, shake hands, make eye contact, stay relaxed,

listen, and repeat their name. When it comes to introductions, the most important rule

to remember is to make the introductions! Someone who is introduced is made to feel

special and welcome whereas the opposite may occur when an introduction is missed.

The basic rule to remember is that if you are introducing someone else, the person you

address first is the one you are honoring by showing deference to them. A few simple

rules:

 Military persons of lesser authority are introduced TO persons of greater

authority regardless of gender

 In other instances a man is always presented to a woman with the exception of

the president of any country, a king, or a church dignitary

 A younger person is always presented to an older person of the same gender

 A single person is introduced to a group

Examples for Showing Deference:

1. Present the lower in rank/position to the higher in rank or position.

“General Jones [CG], this is Mr. Adams [a subordinate].”

2. Present a less distinguished person to a more celebrated person. “Miss Celebrity,

may I present Miss Jones.”

3. A man is presented to a woman.

“Mrs. Brown, this is Mr. Smith.”

4. Present the younger to the older person. “Mr. Elder, may I introduce Mr. Young.”

5. Present a layman to a clergyman.

“Reverend Short, I would like to introduce to you, Mr. Glenn.”

6. When there are no discernible differences to guide you in determining deference, it

does not matter who is mentioned first.

Military person in most social situations:

-First and second lieutenants are introduced and addressed as “Lieutenants”,

lieutenant colonels and colonels as “Colonel” and all general officers as “General”

-Command Sergeants Major and Sergeants Major are introduced and addressed as

“Sergeant Major,” First Sergeants, Master Sergeants, Sergeants First Class, Staff

Sergeants and Sergeants are all introduced and addressed as “Sergeant.”

-Medical doctors are introduced using their military rank, however, in general

conversation may be called “Doctor” unless they are a hospital commander or general

officer

-Military Chaplains are introduced by rank; then, their position should be referenced

-Catholic Priests can be addressed as “Father”

-Retired military are introduced using military rank, unless their present position is more

appropriate (e.g., Mayor, Senator, Ambassador, etc.)

Official Representation Funds (ORFs)

ORFs are used to extend official courtesies to authorized guests of the U.S., DoD and DA.

Courtesies will be in keeping with the propriety as dictated by the occasion and conducted

on a modest basis to maintain the standing and prestige of the U.S. at home and abroad.

Authorized expenses may include associated costs for meals; receptions; disposable

supplies including candles and flowers; rental of tables, chairs, tablecloths, tents and

other event support items; cultural events such as visits to historic locations and

museums; and gifts or mementos. To use ORFs, the event must be hosted by a GO or

member of the SES or the authority to host may be delegated to an O-6 or GS-15 when

warranted. Additionally, authority to use ORFs resides with the approving official who

must be a GO or SES member. Spouses are not authorized to use ORFs or to serve as

the official host.

The use of ORFs also requires strict adherence to ratios. In parties of fewer than 30

individuals, at least 20 percent of the invitees expected to attend must be authorized

guests. In parties of 30 or more individuals, at least 50% of the invitees expected to

attend must be authorized guests. Authorized guests consists of dignitaries of foreign

governments, senior non-DOD government officials, other distinguished and prominent

U.S. citizens, members of the media, or DOD personnel eligible for official courtesies

while on official visits to the field as defined in Army Regulation 37-47.

CHAPTER IV: INVITATIONS AND R.S.V.P.s

Invitations

The invitation is a notification of an upcoming event. Formal invitations may be typed,

engraved, or handwritten. Today, invitations are widely extended using electronic

invitation systems. As a cost-saving measure, the Army has adopted usage of the Air

Force Institute of Technology’s E-Invitation system at

https://einvitations.afit.edu/generator/index.cfm. Invitations mailed or hand delivered

should be addressed to whom is being invited. If a husband and wife are both invited, it

should be addressed to the couple so the recipient knows how to respond. Emailed

invitations should include clarity in the body of the email so that it, likewise, is clear

who is being invited. Invitations should be extended approximately two to three weeks

in advance for smaller events and three to four weeks in advance for larger events to

allow the guest enough time to arrange his or her personal calendar. On the other

hand, invitations should not be extended so far in advance that the guests are unable

to determine whether their schedule will permit them to attend. When children are

invited, it will be specified on the invitation.

Elements of an Invitation

1. Who Host of the event

2. What Type of Function

3. Why “In Honor of…”

4. When Date/Day/Time

5. Where Location

6. Dress and R.s.v.p. Dress/Contact Number

Addressing Envelopes

Correspondence is divided into two categories, official and social. Official

correspondence includes many different items, but for invitations, it includes those

usually extended from an Army office by an individual or office authorized to do so on

behalf of an Army employee in his/her official capacity. Social correspondence usually

consists of letters, invitations and thank-you notes generally personal in nature and

extended by an individual in his/her personal capacity as a private citizen. Official

correspondence is sent to the office address of the individual being invited even when

their spouse is also invited. Social correspondence is sent to the home address.

For official correspondence, the individual’s name is usually written on the envelope as

rank or title, first name, middle initial, and last name. The rank or title is usually spelled

out, although it may be abbreviated, if needed. For social correspondence, the rank

should be spelled out and middle initials are normally omitted. For official or social

correspondence, the most formal way to write names with titles is to write each name

on a line by itself as shown in the first example below. The guest listed first is typically

the invited guest based on his/her official capacity.

An example of a traditional address:

Official - most formal: Colonel John C. Doe

and Mrs. Doe

(his office address)

less formal: Colonel and Mrs. John C. Doe (all one line)

(his office address)

Social – most formal: Colonel John Doe

and Mrs. Doe

(home address)

less formal: Colonel and Mrs. John Doe (all one line)

(home address)

An example where couples have different last names:

Official: Colonel John C. Doe

and Ms. Jane E. Smith

(his office address)

Social: Colonel John Doe

and Ms. Jane Smith

(home address)

For same-gender couples, the envelope is addressed similarly to the example of

couples with different last names. The name listed first is the primary invited guest and

the name that follows is the spouse. There are many other scenarios where the label

will be adjusted slightly to account for a number of situations such as dual military; the

wife outranking the husband, but they are invited based on his position; and the non-

military spouse having a civilian professional spouse. Many such examples are

provided in protocol and etiquette guides.

R.s.v.p.s

If the host or honoree of an event should extend an invitation to you, it is your social

obligation to let the host/hostess or protocol office know either in writing or via the

telephone number provided if you plan to attend the event. Any invitation with an

R.s.v.p. must be answered with a “yes” or “no”. R.s.v.p. is the abbreviation for

“répondez s'il vous plaît,” which translates “please reply.” An answer should be given

within 24 to 48 hours if possible as the hostess may want to invite someone else to

complete her dinner party guest list. If R.s.v.p. is stated on the invitation and no

telephone number is given, then the reply should be in writing. If a person should meet

the host/hostess while running errands and mention “We just received your invitation

today, and we will be delighted to come,” remember that this does not constitute a

reply. The reply should be written or telephoned as the host/hostess may forget to

include this guest on the list of acceptances. For unofficial social events, given today’s

increased usage of technology, it may be acceptable to respond to an invitation using

social media, but care should be given to attempt to respond using the method

identified on the invitation.

If an invitation is issued well in advance of a party and invited guests do not reply

promptly, the host/hostess or protocol office may need to telephone these people to

receive responses. The attendee list is critical information for menu planning and food

ordering, so intended guests should recognize the importance of responding in a timely

manner. It is also important for parents to teach their children from early grade school

years to always respond promptly to an invitation that contains R.s.v.p.

Sample Electronic Invitation

Note: The font, pitch, and formatting of this invitation may be modified to fit card stock,

general officer stationary, or other note paper. Black ink should always be used.

CHAPTER V: ATTIRE

Individuals will often receive an invitation with the dress category specified as formal,

semiformal, duty uniform, civilian informal, casual or very casual. You might also see

the dress specifically listed as business attire, smart casual, mess dress or civilian

open collar on an invitation. A conscientious host/hostess will try to eliminate

confusion on the part of their guests, so often times the uniform category is further

defined on the invitation to better explain the intent. Unless specifically indicated,

jeans are generally not acceptable. However, sometimes an invitation is for an event

immediately after the duty day and maximum participation is encouraged, so the dress

might be annotated as “come as you are” so that people in any uniform or form of

civilian attire are encouraged to attend.

In the business sector, invitations might be extended with the dress category specified

as business casual. This is a nebulous term that does not have a precise definition,

but it is intended to imply neatly dressed, well put-together and professional looking. It

is most closely aligned with the Army categories of “civilian informal” and “casual.” For

men, the occasion will dictate his need of a sport coat.

To better understand what attire falls within each category of dress, refer to the

following table.

Category

Army Uniform

Dress for

Civilian Men

Dress for

Civilian Ladies

Formal

(White Tie)

Blue Evening

Mess

Tuxedo, bow tie

is standard

Cocktail or

Evening Formal

gown

Semiformal

(Black Tie)

Blue Mess or

Blue Dress

(ASU with bow

tie)

Dark Dinner

Jacket or

Tuxedo

Long or short

evening dress

Uniform

Informal

ASU with four-

in-hand tie

Business Attire

Cocktail Dress

Duty Uniform

ACU (or local

policy)

Business Attire

Business Attire;

afternoon dress

or suit

Civilian

Informal

See columns to

right for civilian

attire

Business

Casual,

Business suit or

sport coat and

tie

Dress, business

suit or pant suit

Casual

See columns to

right for civilian

attire

Business

Casual, Slacks,

open collar

shirt, jacket or

sweater

Casual dress or

blouse and

simple skirt,

slacks with

jacket

Very Casual

See columns to

right for civilian

attire

Open collar

shirt and slacks

Slacks with

blouse

~ PART TWO ~

Planning Guide for TRADOC

HQ Spouse Welcomes and

Farewells

CHAPTER VI: HELPFUL GUIDELINES FOR PLANNING SPOUSE

WELCOMES AND FAREWELLS

General Information

This paper provides a traditional guide for welcoming and farewelling spouses of

senior General Officers, nominative Command Sergeants Major, and Senior Executive

Service members (SES) of Fort Eustis TRADOC Headquarters (HQ). While this guide is

specific for TRADOC HQ spouses it can be used as a template for any spouse welcome

or farewell. Please note the following are guidelines given only to establish a point

of reference from which to proceed. The preferences of the honored guest should

always be considered.

Traditionally a choice of a Welcome Tea or Coffee is offered to the spouse of the

Commander and the Command Sergeant Major of a Battalion, Brigade; and the spouse of

the Commander and Nominative Command Sergeant Major of a Division, Corps,

1-Star, 2-Star, 3-Star and 4-Star Commands or Directorates, and spouse of a Chief

Warrant 5. The reason a tea or coffee is recommended as a welcome is to allow the

Guest of Honor to circulate, network, and start forming relationships. A farewell function

need not always be a tea or coffee. It could be a brunch, luncheon, dinner, or reception

based on the preference of the Guest of Honor. Joint functions with their Soldier or joint

functions with other Senior Spouses or their Battle Buddies if coming in together or

departing at the same time are also acceptable.

Begin planning early. Three months before a projected departure/arrival is a good

time to start planning. Often an exact date for a Change of Command or Change of

Responsibility is not known very far in advance, but a projected timeframe can generally

be anticipated. Begin overall preparations early; plug in specifics as soon as they can be

determined. You may wish to send a “Save the Date” as soon as possible.

Organize committees to help in all areas of preparation.

Official Host/Hostess

The official host/hostess for the function should be established as soon as

possible. A recommended guideline follows. All functions should first be coordinated with

the spouses of the TRADOC Commanding General and TRADOC Command Sergeant

Major.

If the Honored Guest is the Spouse of the TRADOC Commander, the Official

Hostess is the Spouse of the DCG/CofS and/or CSM, TRADOC (assisted by Senior

Spouses).

If the Honored Guest is the Spouse of the TRADOC CSM, the Official Hostess

is the Spouse of the CG, TRADOC and/or DCG/CofS (assisted by Senior & CSM

Spouses). The duties and responsibilities may be delegated by the CG’s Spouse to the

DCG/CoS’s Spouse.

Spouses of Deputy Commanding General/Chief of Staff (DCG/COS); Army

Capabilities Integration Center (ARCIC) Director, ARCIC CSM; Center for Initial

Military Training (CIMT), CIMT CSM; National Guard; and Army Reserve are

traditionally welcomed and farewelled by their unit’s Senior Spouses’ Coffee Group

or at a function; i.e. monthly/quarterly Coffee or at their unit’s Hail & Farewell. The

Soldier and Spouse are traditionally jointly honored during a Farewell Function

(luncheon or dinner) hosted by their unit or Directorate. Spouses of staff General

Officers, CSMs/SGMs, and SES are traditionally welcomed and farewelled by their

specific Directorate.

The official hostess should always check with the Honored Guest and the Spouses

of the TRADOC CG and TRADOC CSM to determine the most convenient date for

him/her, to ask for preference of venue (home, restaurant, outdoors) and to determine if

the function will be formal or informal. Keep the TRADOC CG and CSM spouse informed

of projected dates. If there is no spouse serving in the “Official Hostess” position, then

follow the chain of command/chain of concern (i.e. spouses of Chief of Staff, DCGs, GO,

DCO, XO, S3, S1, S2, CSM, SGM, 1SG, etc.) to be the Official Hostess.

The honored guest should be asked for the names of any special guests they

would like to invite.

You should try to plan the date of the Welcome to be within several weeks of the

Change of Command or Change of Responsibility of the honored guest. Events could be

held in conjunction with other unit Welcomes or Farewells or along with their Soldier (i.e.

Commander’s/Deputy’s Spouse Farewell or CSM’s Spouse Welcome). Farewell Balls or

Hail and Farewells are not traditional Welcomes or Farewells but are sometimes the

wishes of the honored guests. Summer events could be delayed until most of the

incoming personnel have arrived to their new duty station as to accommodate leaves and

PCS.

Due to a high turnover in some key unit positions to include DCO, XO, S3 and

CSMs either before or immediately following a Change of Command, the most senior staff

member in the unit may take responsibility of being the Official Hostess using the entire

team of knowledge and experience.

This social guide contains a sample invitation, sample reservations sheet, planning

checklist, timeline checklist, and an overall Welcomes & Farewells Activity Planning

Worksheet that can be used as the After-Action document, as well. The Welcomes &

Farewells Activity Planning Worksheet typically is filled out and sent to the committee

chairs. After the event, the after-action comments can be typed in italics to show what

actually occurred. If you are familiar with Welcomes and Farewells, the Welcomes &

Farewells Activity Planning Worksheet is all that you need!

After-Action Report: The goal is to have a concise after-action report containing

information which is easy to identify. The ideal report would be 1-2 pages in length. If the

document is to be saved for the Continuity Book, you may want to get a document

protector to include samples of flyers, name tags, programs, and any special details. It is

very important to keep the documentation on expenses and for gifts.

Planning

The following committees are recommended to assist in planning a Welcome or

Farewell event (see checklists that follow):

· Invitations

· Location -- Club/Restaurant/Home/Museum

· Finances/Treasurer/Funds Control -- contracts/payment

· Menu/Refreshments

· Decorations

· Nametags

· Reservations

· Escorts

· Guest book/Nice Pen

· Corsage/Floral Arrangements

· Photography

· Pouring Schedule

· Gifts

· Entertainment/Music Program

· Receiving Line

· Program/Talking Points for Introductions

· Parking

· Awards, if applicable (Coordinate with unit for presenting end-of-tour award at the

ceremony, dinner or another occasion)

When planning an army-level function, it is always proper to keep the

Commanding General’s spouse updated as your planning gets underway.

After speaking with the honored guest regarding her/his wishes, the official hostess

should request the planning input from the spouses most closely associated with the

honored guest as outlined below:

a. Functions in honor of the spouse of the TRADOC Commanding General: The

DCG/Chief of Staff’s spouse, and if able, the TRADOC CSM spouse should first

meet with the CG spouse and then meet with the spouses of other Deputy

Commanding General(s); Senior Spouses (GO), SES, TRADOC Directorate

Spouses and the Spouses’ Club of Fort Eustis (SCFE) President.

b. Functions in honor of the spouse of the TRADOC Command Sergeant Major:

The CG spouse should coordinate with the spouse of the DCG/CoS who then

meets with the spouses of the DCG(s), the SCFE President and the spouses of the

JBLE Brigade-level CSMs.

Whom to Invite

Traditionally, invitations for Welcomes are sent to next higher headquarters;

honoree’s peers (other battalions or brigades); and their subordinate headquarters.

Farewells could be more intimate with just the unit spouses. Please ask the Guest of

Honor his/her preferences for the invitation list. The following is just a helpful guide for

invitation lists to Welcomes and Farewells. When inviting spouses, try to invite one to two

echelons up and two echelons down from the unit and across the post on an equal level

(i.e. brigade would invite other brigades). Please check with your local Protocol offices,

your Senior Spouses, as well as your unit/post Social Guide for their guidance on the

recommended invitation list. (In the Army, we focus our mentorship one and two levels

below.)

Traditionally this is an adults-only event. Generally accepted rule is that children

over the age of six (6) months should not attend social functions such as teas, coffees,

Hail & Farewells, a formal or ball. An adult child might wish to attend their parent’s

Welcome or Farewell. However, teas are traditionally not suitable venues for infants.

While we are on the topic of infants, Coffee Group Leaders may allow “lap babies” to

Coffees. It is usually the hostess’s choice. Adult functions such as balls, Dining Outs and

memorials are not suitable venues for infants.

a. A function for the Spouse of the TRADOC Commanding General or TRADOC

Command Sergeant Major could be an intimate Coffee, a traditional Tea,

luncheon, reception or dinner.

Spouses of the following may be invited:

1. All Battalion and Brigade Commanders and Bn & Bde CSMs at JBLE.

2. All General Officers, their CSMs & SESs on post. (Tidewater Group)

3. Family Readiness Group (FRG) members: Command Group FRG members;

TRADOC HQ senior spouses’ FRG members

4. Commanders and Senior Enlisted Advisors of nearby sister services (Langley;

Norfolk)

5. All post directorates (i.e. Army Community Services (ACS), Post Exchange (PX),

Commissary, etc.)

And additionally invite:

6. SCFE Board Members

7. Optional: Civilians (for example: spouses of surrounding area mayors, President

of AUSA, Chairman of the Military Affairs Committee of the Chamber of

Commerce).

8. Optional: All officers at JBLE.

9. Optional: All community members; All spouses (Officer and Enlisted); Spouses’

Club general membership

10. Personal friends and family of the Guest of Honor.

b. A function for the Spouse of a Battalion or Brigade Commander or CSM may

also be their unit Coffee, a traditional Tea, luncheon, reception or dinner.

The following are typically invited:

1. Their Coffee group

2. Consider FRG leadership spouses

3. The next level-up Commander and CSM spouses.

4. Personal friends and family of the Guest of Honor.

c. A function for the Spouse of a Commandant or Center of Excellence

Commander, nominative Command Sergeant Major, or Chief Warrant 5 may be a

traditional Tea, luncheon, reception or dinner. Their post Social Guide and

Protocol office could assist you with their guest lists.

Committees

1. FINANCES AND RESERVATIONS COMMITTEES

All military and civilian guests, except for the honored guest, will pay their own

way. Family members who attend and all other personal guests will pay their own way, or

by the honored guest at his/her discretion.

Payment in advance is the preferred method. A personal check can be given or

mailed to the person taking R.s.v.p.s. Cash, PayPal or check may be taken at the door if

so decided in advance by the hosting unit (see Reservation Sheet on page 28).

2. INVITATION COMMITTEE

Invitations to a large function on JBLE may be done in a number of ways. Some

suggestions:

a. Handwritten/printed invitations should go to the spouses of the TRADOC

CG, TRADOC CSM, DCG/COS, and civilian VIPs.

b. Electriquette: Email invitations may be sent to the guest list. Web-based

invitation systems such as Punchbowl may also be used or an email with a

word document attached with the wording of the invitation imbedded in the

email with the subject line of “Welcome Tea in Honor of Mr./Mrs. Hooah,

Day/Date/Time/Location.”

c. Flyers may be sent to invitees on the guest list, as well.

Handwritten/printed invitations should be written in the third person in black ink on

single white cards. In the lower left hand corner, “R.s.v.p.,” with the telephone number(s)

and point(s) of contact should be indicated. Please note the proper form for the name of

the honored guest (“Mrs.” plus her husband’s first and last name); this form should also be

used when addressing the envelopes for the invitations; i.e., “Mrs. Edwin P. Hooah,” or

“Jan Hooah,” not “Mrs. Jan Hooah” (See sample invitation on page 27). A courtesy

invitation “To Remind” should be sent the honored guest. A notation regarding dress code

on the lower right corner on the invitation is recommended, as well.

A current list of General Officers’ (GO) spouses and CSMs’ spouses and their

office addresses is available from TRADOC Protocol.

Invitations should be sent approximately three (3) weeks before the event. This

provides ample time for committees to accomplish their responsibilities. A “Save the

Date” is a wonderful way to deconflict calendars a month or so before the special event.

Flyers and reservation sheets for invited guests may be distributed at a monthly

meeting if there is sufficient time to allow coffee groups to be notified and give their

R.s.v.p.s (See Reservations Sheet on page 28).

3. LOCATION COMMITTEE

As soon as a date has been set, determine a location and reserve a room. Is a

deposit required? Do you need a contract?

Family Resource Center Private Home

Post Chapels Post Museum

Post Events Center Unit Facilities

Golf Club House

4. LOCATION AND MENU COMMITTEES

If the function is to take place during a busy social season and is to take place at a

location requiring a contract the following may apply:

• Select alternate dates from which to choose

• If hosting the event outdoors, ensure you have a contingency plan in case of

inclement weather

• Make an appointment with the catering office to discuss the menu and table

setups

• Set a date to pay the bill

• Meet with the catering representative at the club/restaurant and make the

following arrangements:

a. Confirm your request for a room – room name, date and time.

b. Request the use of a red carpet and rope for a receiving line, if desired.

c. Request a podium, microphone, and piano, if needed.

d. Select table linens to be used. This should be coordinated with the

decorating committee. Carefully review the contract with the venue to

be certain they know exactly what you want.

e. Decide on the table arrangement. Request tables in the hallway for

nametags and guest books, and perhaps a table near the podium for

the gift. For a coffee or tea, request some small tables for depositing

empty plates and cups and perhaps have a few chairs available for

guests who tire or provide ample seating for everyone.

f. Select a menu from the venue’s catering book, or provide your own

recipes. Ask to sample the menu items. Check for food allergies of

Guest of Honor. A person may be selected to be the Table Coordinator

to ensure food and drinks are adequate depending on the venue (a Tea

versus a luncheon).

g. Designate a table coordinator to check tables and remove spent dishes

throughout the event.

After the function, settle the bill. Keep in mind that you will have to pay for

all food orders, whether all guests attended or not. To avoid problems with

payment, it is advised to receive payment ahead of time.

Suggest confirming all arrangements in writing. Follow up meeting with

email/message to confirm what was discussed.

5. DECORATION COMMITTEE

Use your own creative flair for decorating.

The decorations committee should determine the color scheme after taking into

consideration the Guest of Honor’s wishes (their favorite color, unit colors, or patriotic

theme). The decorations committee would also use the theme for the rest of the table

arrangements. If appropriate, coordinate with the Location Committee.

Make sure a few tables and chairs are available for guests who tire or ample

seating for everyone. Side tables should be positioned throughout the room to provide a

place for soiled cups and plates.

Simple piano background music is a nice touch. Coordinate with the Entertainment

Committee.

6. NAMETAG COMMITTEE

Nametags should be used at all farewell and welcome functions. They should be

printed in advance; if not, at least for the spouses of the CG, DCGs, nominative CSMs,

GOs, SESs, and civilian guests. Use an invitee’s first and last name on the nametag (i.e.,

“ANNE or ED HOOAH” -- large bold font). Always have extra blank nametags for those

who show up last minute. Check with the Reservations chairperson for the number

needed and the list of all those to be done in advance. Coordinate with the Decorating

Committee to determine color scheme and theme. Nametags are worn on the right side if

no neck chain is provided.

If there is assigned seating at a luncheon, table tent name cards may need to be

printed. The Official Hostess would arrange the seating chart for the head table.

7. RESERVATION COMMITTEE

For large functions on JBLE, each coffee group leader or directorate spouse may

take reservations for those in their group and enter names on the Reservations Sheet,

page 28. Reservations may be taken at a coffee or by telephone. The Reservations

Sheets and payments may then be collected by the Reservations Committee (maybe two

designated members -- one on-post and one off-post, if needed).

Invitees are asked to R.s.v.p. and send their payments in advance. You may

exercise discretion, however.

If a payment is being accepted at the time of the function, separate tables may be

provided for prepaid and unpaid attendees. This provides a gracious way to ensure

payment.

After the reservation deadline, the committee checks to see they have received all

the Reservations Sheets. For a more accurate count, it is acceptable to call those that

have not responded to check to see whether they received the invitation and are able to

attend. The final Reservations sheets are given to the Location Committee.

A list of all GO, CSM, SES and VIP spouses should be given to the Escort

Committee. A list of all attendees (bottom of Reservations sheet) is given to the Nametag

Committee.

Perhaps, also, share the guest list with the Guest of Honor so that he/she is aware

of the attendees.

8. ESCORTS COMMITTEE

The Escort Committee provides an escort for the spouse of each GO, nominative

CSM, SES and VIP. The escort greets their designated special guest and introduces

themselves as the escort. The escort would then check the guest’s coat, give them a

nametag, accompany them through the receiving line, offer refreshments and introduce

them to other guests. Once the guest is engaged in conversation, the escort may leave,

checking back occasionally. Often junior spouses are given this opportunity. Escorts

usually meet the VIP guests at the door. The escort for the honoree offers to pick up the

honored guest and takes him/her to and from the venue.

9. GUEST BOOK AND CORSAGE/FLORAL ARRANGEMENTS COMMITTEES

Ask the honored guest if there is a guest book they would like to use, make, or

purchase for the event. Someone should prepare a title page, this done in calligraphy is

nice. Have a table near the entrance of the room for the guest book. Provide a nice pen

for guests to use in signing the book.

A book about the local area is nice to use; the guests are able to sign their favorite

location. An address book is a possible option as a farewell guest book as well. A

scrapbook page may be decorated and used for welcome/farewell notes and as a guest

book page(s) for the Guest of Honor.

The guest book or local book may be part of the welcome gift purchased with the

collected funds.

In addition to the corsage that is given to the Guest of Honor, any floral

centerpiece that is used may also be given as a gift. A wrist corsage is sometimes

preferred as it does not mar an outfit. The escort usually takes the corsage to the honored

guest when picking her up at home. You may want to ask his/her favorite color or use the

unit colors. Check for allergies.

10. PHOTOGRAPHY COMMITTEE

For these functions, it is recommended that a volunteer photographer be present

to take photos/video for unit archives and the Guest of Honor’s collection or scrapbook.

Pictures should be taken throughout the event, but especially of the Guest of Honor, the

table with the Hostess, guests greeting those in the receiving line, and any presentations.

A disc or a small picture album made of the photos taken at the event is a nice gesture to

be given to the Guest of Honor.

11. POURING COMMITTEE

Being asked to pour is an honor in American society (check with protocol in other

countries). Pouring at a tea is an honor because it provides the opportunity to see and

chat with a number of the guests as they ask you to pour for them. That’s why the

beverages are ranked: coffee, tea, and punch in that order. At the time this American

tradition was established, coffee was the most popular drink; more guests would approach

the lady pouring coffee than those serving tea or punch.

Traditionally, pouring was done according to the husband’s rank and date of rank,

keeping in mind the rank ordering of beverages. This “date of rank” tradition has faded

but the tradition of senior spouses pouring has continued.

A pouring list can be compiled by considering either all the guests who will attend

(although the Guest of Honor is never asked to pour) or only those from the hosting group.

The Pouring Coordinator should ask guests in advance if they would do the honor

of pouring. Each pourer should be told his/her position, time to start and length of time to

pour. This could be anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes, depending on how the list is done and

whom they will follow.

Put a small card inconspicuously at each pouring station with the schedule for that

position. The Pouring Coordinator should be familiar with the schedule so that if a

scheduled pourer does not arrive, they can ask someone to pour a little longer or make a

substitution. Be flexible! The Pouring Coordinator also checks to ensure coffee and tea

pots are refilled when necessary.

A chair and cloth napkin should be provided for the coffee and tea servers, and a

cloth napkin for the punch server.

It is not necessary to have pourers serve throughout the entire event. As a

guideline, schedule pourers throughout the first hour of the event or until the receiving line

has ended and the presentations have begun. At this time it is fine to stop pouring even if

others are on the schedule. Drinks at that time will become self-service.

At large functions, doors should remain closed to guests until the receiving line

begins.

GUIDELINES FOR POURERS

For serving coffee and tea:

1. Sit at the table in front of the tea service. Place a napkin in your lap.

2. If you are serving both coffee and tea, ask which the guest prefers.

3. Pick up the cup and saucer before filling it.

4. Ask if the guest would like cream or sugar (for coffee) or milk, sugar or lemon (for

tea). [Milk should be used for tea because the tannic acid in tea may cause cream

to curdle.] Anything added is put in after pouring the coffee or tea. Sugar is put in

before cream/milk or lemon. Lemon slice, if desired, is put in the cup, not on the

saucer.

5. As a rule the pourer does not stir the coffee or tea (unless only one or two spoons

have been provided).

6. Hand the cup and saucer to the guest with the cup handle to the guest’s right.

Spoons and napkins are usually arranged for the guests to help themselves. If

not, put a spoon on the saucer (if milk or sugar has been added) and hand it to the

guest along with a napkin.

7. If no one else checks on the supply of coffee, tea, cream, cups, etc., the pourer

should ask someone to see that they are replenished before they run out.

For serving punch:

1. Stand by the table next to the punch bowl.

2. When someone approaches to be served, ladle the punch into a cup held over

the punch bowl. Do not fill the cup so full that it is difficult to handle.

3. If the outside of the cup gets wet as you fill it, blot it with a napkin.

4. As you hand the cup to the guest, turn the cup so that the handle is in a

position for him/her to easily take it from you.

5. If no one checks on the supply of punch and cups periodically, ask someone to

see that they are replenished before they run out.

12. GIFT COMMITTEE

Welcome Gifts:

A welcome gift need not be expensive. It is a token of friendship; a welcoming

embrace to their new unit. A unit bracelet with all the unit crests is an example of an

inclusive memento. Other examples are unit tie tacks, afghans, unit shot glasses, bling

unit pins, stoneware crocks with personalized posts, and coffee table books of the area.

Farewell Gifts:

A farewell gift is a meaningful reminder of friendship and sincere appreciation.

You might ask the Honoree if he/she desires something in particular. Examples include

unit stained glass panes, a watercolor of the honoree’s house, handmade items like quilts

or wall hangings with unit crests, regimental or unit hats or shirts, purchased items such

as local area souvenirs (paintings, sculptures), or perhaps something related to a hobby

such as a golf or fishing item.

Please consult with your assigned ethics counselor concerning gift guidance. We

should adhere to the guidelines within the sections of the Joint Ethics Regulation (DoD

5500.7-R) that regulates the standards of conduct for employees of the Executive Branch.

The JER establishes a limit on the total value of gifts to a departing superior. (As of this

writing, that limit is a total of $300.00). Note that this is the absolute maximum dollar

amount that can be spent, at any level. Also note that contributions toward group gifts are

limited to an unsolicited $10.00 or less per giver, none of which may be prorated. A

donation may be made towards the gift if you are unable to attend the event. Again,

consult with the Ethics Counselor Administration Law of the Office of the Staff Judge

Advocate for guidance, changes to the regulations, etc.

A final word about farewell gifts: Due to close Department of the Army scrutiny of

commanders regarding gift acceptance, any gift exceeding the set amount could result in

dire consequences for the outgoing commander. As spouses, we, too, should comply with

the guidelines.

13. ENTERTAINMENT/MUSIC PROGRAM COMMITTEE

Simple piano or CD background music is a lovely addition to the event.

14. RECEIVING LINE COMMITTEE

It is thoughtful to have a receiving line so that each guest has an opportunity to be

introduced to the Guest of Honor. The Official Hostess is the first in line with the Guest of

Honor next. The Hostess says the name of the honored guest, then the name of the

guest coming through the line. A simple hello; welcome to post; shake with the right hand

is sufficient for those going through the line. There should be no eating, drinking or

smoking in the receiving line. It is nice to have a water table by the receiving line.

For TRADOC CG/CSM Spouse receptions, Protocol or the unit might be able to

provide you with an American flag, a red carpet and velvet ropes.

15. PROGRAM/TALKING POINTS FOR INTRODUCTIONS COMMITTEE

The Official Hostess requests background from the Guest of Honor a couple of

weeks ahead of the event. You may ask them to include how long they have been

affiliated with the military; their previous assignments and duty stations; their family and

children; and their passion, hobbies or employment.

16. AWARDS COMMITTEE

Check with the unit regarding end-of-tour awards. Confirm the presentation of

awards, whether the award presentation will be performed at the ceremony, a luncheon or

tea or at the Farewell Dinner.

17. PARKING COMMITTEE

The Parking Committee consults with the Location Committee regarding any

guidelines for reserved parking for VIP guests at the event’s location. The Parking

Committee may also need to consult with the Military Police for any parking cones

necessary and post entry restrictions.

In Closing

In closing, please remember that this information paper should be used as a

guideline only. Each social function is unique and will require unique event

specific adjustments. Additionally, the preferences of the honored guest(s) must

always be considered.

The most important thing about Welcomes and Farewells is to enjoy the

experience. The joy of seeing your efforts come together in a beautiful, successful

affair will give you and the honoree a wonderful remembrance.

Remember to HAVE FUN!!!

CHAPTER VII: SAMPLES

INVITATION

The Ladies and Gentlemen (or Spouses)

Training and Doctrine Command and Fort Eustis

request the pleasure of your company at a

Farewell Reception

honoring

Mrs. (or Mr.) George A. Lightfighter

(or Michelle Lightfighter)

on Wednesday, the sixteenth of October

from seven o’clock until nine o’clock in the evening

United States Army Transportation Museum

300 Washington Boulevard

Fort Eustis, Virginia

R.s.v.p. by 9 October Informal

287-xxx-xxxx (Mr. or Mrs. Hooah) $17* In Advance

Payable to:

*($7 will cover the cost of refreshments and $10 will cover the cost of a

group farewell gift)

RESERVATIONS SHEET

Unit _________________________________________

Function ______________________________________

Date _________________________________________

Location ______________________________________

Time _________________________________________

Amount _______________________________________

R.s.v.p. List

Date Name Unit Telephone Number Paid (Cash/Check)

Email/Called/Letter

4/7/10 Diane Hooah D/1-2 IN 915-xxx-xxxx Check $7.50 Letter w/check

4/8/10 John Carson B/1-37 AR 719-xxx-xxxx Cash $7.50 Email

PLANNING CHECKLIST FOR OFFICIAL HOSTESS AND/OR COMMITTEES

(Checklist can be modified for almost any function)

INVITATIONS:

· Design, distribute, email/mail (via Coffee Group). Done 3-4 weeks

before event

· Prepare special guests’ invitations and distribute

· Take reservations on Reservations Sheets

· Contact the club/restaurant, etc. by the deadline with number of

people attending

PAYMENT TABLE AND NAMETAGS:

· Arrange for cash box with $50.00 in change, if needed

· Check guest names for reservations and payment status

· Direct guests to the nametags and guest book

· Have nametags prepared for special guests, and spouses of General

Officers, nominative CSMs, and SESs. Have sufficient blank

nametags available for all guests. Be sure to bring pens

MENU PLANNING AND VENUE ARRANGEMENTS:

· Reserve room

· Select menu. Check for food allergies

· Coordinate with club or restaurant regarding your special

requirements, i.e. tables for nametags, guest book, gift and their

placement, podium and microphone, red carpet, your desired color

scheme, etc.

· Coordinate entertainment

· Coordinate decorations

· Designate a table coordinator within the Pouring Committee. She

checks the table(s) before the function begins and makes certain the

waitresses replenish food trays, refill coffee and tea pots when

necessary, and remove soiled cups and saucers, punch cups, etc.,

from side tables frequently

OTHER REMINDERS:

· Prepare a pouring schedule, if needed

· Designate escorts

· Have a guest book ready when guests arrive

· Corsage/floral arrangement

· Gift

· Camera/video camera

· After-action report

TIMELINE CHECKLIST FOR PLANNING A WELCOME OR

FAREWELL FUNCTION

2-3 months out ___ When you know about the arrival or departure of a

Commander or Command Sergeant Major spouse and you know you’ll need to

plan a reception, check first with your higher headquarters senior spouse to make

sure his/her schedule is open for the date(s) you are looking at. Send out a “Save

the Date” email.

2-3 months out ___ Plan your location; such as reserving a room on post and

have the spouses in your unit bring food, or reserve a local restaurant. Best to

check with the honoree for his/her wishes.

2 months out ____ Plan what welcome/farewell gift you would like to give. There

are lots of ideas; i.e. unit crest bracelet is a treasured item, unit crest angel pin, a

welcome basket with items unique to the unit and/or location or post, a unit crest

afghan, pottery piece w/unit insignia, picture of their quarters, crests afghan, unit

crest napkin rings, local art/sculptures, and of course there may be a standard unit

gift for just such things.

1 month out ____ Designate person to take reservations: Be sure to have a

designated person to receive the R.s.v.p.s. This person can work closely with the

nametag person.

1 month out ____ Food list: If holding the event at the unit or Family Readiness

Center – start circulating the sign-up sheet for finger foods or sweets and a punch.

1 month out ____ Pourers for a tea or coffee, if applicable.

1 month out ___ Invitations: Ask the incoming/outgoing spouse if he/she has any

additional guests that they would like to invite and get those addresses. Send out

your invitations early and try to ensure they arrive three (3) weeks out from the

event. You may want to send out an email “Save the Date” a month in advance.

1 month out ___ Plan the ‘emcee’ for the event, i.e. who will introduce the

honoree and tell the background. You will need to get some information from

honoree before that day – “Talking Points.”

2-3 weeks out ___ Plan for decorations/music: When using a room at a facility,

try to provide a few simple decorations (unit colors or favorite colors) and

background music. You don’t have to get elaborate; just use your own creative

flair.

2-3 weeks out ___ Guest book: Purchase a guestbook or ask the Guest of

Honor if she has one she would like to use. Provide a nice pen for guests to use in

signing the book.

2 weeks out ___ Coordinate for a corsage (wrist or lapel) for the Guest of Honor.

You may want to ask her what her favorite colors are or use the unit colors, and if

she would prefer a wrist or lapel corsage. Check for allergies.

2 weeks out ___ Designate escorts: Ensure you have a designated escort to

pick up the Guest of Honor. (The escort should bring the corsage and pin it on

him/her at their house before departing or have a wrist corsage.) Also, contact any

General Officer spouse, general officer-level CSM, SES or civilian guest that is

attending and offer to provide them an escort as well.

2 weeks out ____ Be sure to have a designated photographer to take pictures of

the event and provide them to the Guest of Honor. It is a nice idea to write names

of the ladies on the back so she can start to put ‘names’ with faces for a Welcome.

1 week out ___ Nametags: Be sure to provide nametags once you have all your

R.s.v.p.s. They should be made up in advance but keep some blank ones

available in case anyone is missed. Confirm a designated parking spot for the

Guest of Honor. (Note: this may be a good time to ‘call’ anyone that has not

R.s.v.p.’d – you’ll always have a few that forget or send a “Gentle Reminder”

email.)

2 Days Prior: Run quick ‘checks’ to ensure the following:

_____ Flowers/corsage are lined up

_____ Food and Drinks will be incoming

_____ Decorations

_____ Music

_____ Nametags are about ready to go

_____ Photographer is prepared (A good backup is a cellphone camera.)

_____ Escorts are prepared; Parking spot designated at Welcome/Farewell

Reception location.

_____ Guestbook and pen are ready to go

_____ Speaker (Host) is ready with background info to present/introduce

_____ Pourers List

_____ Gifts Ready (wrapped, if applicable)

_____ Hostess thanks everyone for helping out.

Funding: You might have a better attendance at any reception that the spouses

do not have to pay to attend. Remember donations of not more than $10 per

person for a gift is acceptable, but try to keep costs at a minimum. Memories are

priceless.

WELCOMES & FAREWELLS ACTIVITY PLANNING WORKSHEET

EVENT: Welcome/Farewell Tea; Coffee; Brunch; Lunch; Dinner

NAME: (HONOREE) First Name; Middle Initial; Last Name

POSITION: Spouse of the _____

DATES IN POSITION: (confirm dates)

DATE OF EVENT: (Day of Week: Mo/Day/Yr) ______

TIME:

ATTIRE:

LOCATION/PLACE: (GPS Street Address)

OFFICIAL HOSTESS & UNIT:

GUESTS/INVITEES: See attached list of attendees (Unit; Post, Board members,

Bn & Bde & Div Cdr/CSM Spouses, Coffee Groups; International spouses, FRGs,

friends, family, office, neighbors, Gold Star)

INVITATIONS (reviewed by Protocol):

DECORATIONS: Tables & Skirting (Club/Personal) & Centerpiece:

MENU: High Tea or Heavy Hors D’oeuvres & Dessert; Cake: ~$__ per person

PROGRAM (TALKING POINTS/MICROPHONE/SPEAKERS):

COSTS/FUNDS CONTROL/TREASURER: COST PER PERSON: Total $ ______

Total includes: $__ food; $__token welcome or farewell gift; and $__ incidentals

(room set-up, corsage, guestbook, nametags, decorations, etc.)

GIFTS: Max $10/per person; Donation included in total price or a donation of less

than $10 if unable to attend. Token Welcome Gift. Farewell Gift not to exceed

$300.00 limit. Reference: DoD Regulation 5500.7-R Joint Ethics Regulation

CORSAGE/FLOWERS: Favorite colors, unit colors, patriotic and favorite flower;

Pin-on or Wrist Corsage ~$__

GUEST BOOK & PEN: Decorated Scrapbook Page, Area Book or Guest Book ~

$___

NAME TAGS: $___

MUSIC, Etc. (Candles; Coats): Sound System; “The Charm of the Army” Song

PHOTOGRAPHER: (video/pictures on CD/book)

ESCORTS:

POURING LIST (if applicable): Coffee & Tea service, Punch Bowl - senior

spouses

RECEIVING LINE (red carpet):

DESIGNATED PARKING & GENERAL PARKING:

AWARDS: At Retreat ceremony or Dinner presentation

SET-UP AND CLEAN-UP:

SIGNED: _______________________________

(NAME AND TELEPHONE NUMBER)

ADDITIONAL AFTER ACTION COMMENTS:

~ PART THREE ~

Command Team Transitions

COMMAND TEAM TRANSITION GUIDELINES

Tips for Commanders and Command Sergeants Major

and their Spouses

The departure of a commander/command team is a major event in the life of a unit. It

marks the end of one chapter, the continuing story of the unit, and the beginning of

another chapter.

The goal is to ensure a smooth transition.

OUTGOING:

Appropriate to do:

1. Place a congratulatory/welcome phone call or letter as soon as your successor

is announced.

2. Send ACS information regarding the post, schools, housing, etc., if appropriate.

3. Make sure Unit Continuity Notebook is updated (i.e. current rosters, Coffee

hostess lists, ongoing programs, newsletters, established routines regarding

baby showers, FRGs, FRG funds audited, Hails and Farewells, after-action

reports for balls or events, unit projected schedule, unit responsibilities for any

post projects (Casino Night, Santa’s Workshop).

4. Provide your successor an opportunity to ask questions through follow-up

phone calls or letters.

5. Sponsor.

Nice to do, too:

1. Provide pictures (or video) of quarters.

2. Provide pictures (or video) of people in unit (XO, CSM, and spouses).

When your successor arrives (or shortly before the Change of Command or Change

of Responsibility, if they have been assigned elsewhere on the installation):

1. Warmly and personally welcome them; invite them to dinner.

2. Initiate a one-on-one meeting with your successor.

Don’t: Discuss personalities of individuals within the unit.

Do: Share important facts, i.e. key people, trauma or crisis (individual or

unit), serious medical conditions of individuals (pregnancy, depression,

etc.), special roles, projects or unit commitments. Acknowledge and

emphasize confidentiality.

3. Introduce them to key people in the unit (CSM’s spouse, XO’s spouse).

4. Inform them of change of command schedule, procedures, etc.

5. Bring them to your last command and staff spouses meeting, if possible.

Additional tips:

1. Don’t let the group establish new policies just prior to you leaving!

2. The DCO/XO/senior spouse is the continuity. Keep them informed about what

you’ve discussed with your successor. Encourage and ensure the XO’s

spouse that a welcome call and offers of assistance to the new commander or

CSM’s spouse are entirely appropriate and tactfully ascertain that the new

spouse will be properly welcomed.

3. Positively discuss the transition at your last Coffee. Acknowledge that the

time has come for you to move on, and ask that the group warmly welcome the

new Commander or CSM’s spouse.

After the Change of Command or Change of Responsibility:

1. Have plans for the rest of the Change of Command/Change of Responsibility

day.

2. Disappear. Understand the need to cut ties. Allow loyalties to begin to shift.

3. Don’t discuss unit business once you’ve left.

4. Send thank you notes (to XO’s spouse of HQ and commander’s spouses of

units plus individuals, as appropriate) for farewell gifts, dinners, parties, get-

togethers, etc.

5. Don’t feel guilty if you’re glad the command tour is over. There are probably as

many reactions to leaving as there are people involved. Don’t be drawn into

comparisons with others.

INCOMING:

Before the Change of Command or Change of Responsibility:

1. Avoid contact with the unit unless initiated by the current command team.

2. Graciously accept outgoing commander’s spouse or CSM’s spouse

suggestions and information—decide later what to keep or delete.

3. Discuss with your spouse what type social events you are comfortable hosting.

4. Mull over and decide on gifts (baby, wedding, welcome, and farewell).

Standardize and possibly buy ahead. Make sure you are willing to commit and

plan for two years. (Once you have established a tradition of this nature, make

certain that you continue it and don’t forget anyone.)

After the change of command or change of responsibility:

1. Keep in mind, you are a newcomer. The other spouses may welcome you with

open arms and much warmth, or they may hold back and come around slowly.

Don’t take it personally. They have lost a friend with the departure of the last

spouse. Give them time to respond to the change.

2. Don’t make instant changes.

3. Meet soon with other key spouses in the unit. Begin to get to know each other

and to discuss “business.”

4. Discuss with Coffee group and FRG if there are any changes they would like to

make. Try to determine the needs, desires and interests of the group. Be

willing to accept the group’s preference for the status quo, if that appears to be

the case.

5. Think twice about making overwhelming changes. Watch, listen and learn.

6. Forge a strong working relationship with the Chaplain, the S-1, your Battle

Buddy, and FRG Leaders.

7. Begin immediately to keep notes and files on everything. All details and

information may be invaluable to the next commander’s spouse and a useful

reference for you. Continue adding to the notebook, or start one if one was not

passed on to you. At a minimum, the following should be in the notebook: (a)

Notes from each Coffee (i.e. the hostess, the welcome and the farewells,

important dates and business discussed). Including the invitation with the

notes could be helpful. (b) FRG news and copies of newsletters. (c) Health

Clinic information. (d) Rosters for headquarters and subordinate units. (e)

Command and Staff notes. (f) Specific information regarding unit

responsibilities. (g) FRG SOPs for the unit and/or care teams.

REMINDERS

It takes at least six months to get comfortable with a new group. Be patient! A

Commander’s/CSM’s spouse should nurture and be a mentor to the subordinate

Commanders’/CMSs’ spouses and also lead the HQ Coffee Group. If there is no

Commander’s/CSM’s spouse, or if the spouse is unable or unwilling to participate, it is the

responsibility of the Commander/CSM to ensure that these things are done.

Note to Remind Commanders/CSMs: If a spouse other than your own is assuming

the above mentioned duties, please be sure to acknowledge it! Also, it is nice to

remember their birthday and present flowers to them when you leave, from you, not the

unit. Childcare should be taken into consideration if needed in order to accomplish unit

responsibilities. If feasible, occasionally offer your home to host a Coffee (the group will

love it!).

~ PART FOUR ~

Army Spouse Customs and

Traditions “A-Z”

(Army Spouse Vernacular)

Attire- The eternal question: what do I wear? In the old days, it was a bit easier as

there were fewer options. On the other hand, it's great to have so much to choose from! A

formal invitation will have the "attire" printed on it. It may say "formal" or it may say

"casual" etc. Formal used to mean a floor length formal for the ladies, though now it can

mean black pants with a sequined top. Casual implies slacks or skirt, but Texas Casual

includes jeans. There are some hard and fast rules though. Don't wear something you will

be embarrassed to wear to your Mom's house, or something that can also be worn as an

under garment! Seriously, if you have a question about attire, don't hesitate to call and

ask. Nobody wants you to feel uncomfortable.

Awards Ceremony- One thing the Army does well is recognize the hard work

being done. Awards ceremonies can be public or private. Some are large affairs held on a

monthly basis to recognize participation, promotions and retirements of an organization.

Some are small and private with attendees including family only. It may be routine for

those who have spent years in the military, but for most, receiving an award is a once in a

lifetime event. It is an honor and a privilege to be invited. Remember, you go as a

representative of all the people the awardee has worked with and for. Show up on time

with a smile and know that you are appreciated! See Awards Chart in Chapter VII.

Anthems- The song of a Nation. Generally refers to ours, but if you are at an

International event you might hear another Nation’s song. For the United States Anthem, it

is customary to stand (if you are able) and it's hand over your heart and eyes on the flag.

You render this honor as a citizen. If another National Anthem is playing, stand silently

with your arms at your sides. You do not pledge allegiance to any flag other than the one

representing the country you are a citizen of.

Army Song- The tune that stands the test of time. The Army Song is a ceremonial

melody heard at a change of command, parade, return and promotion ceremony, etc. The

words are usually printed in your program. Before long, you will tap your toe and know all

the words by heart, which will swell with pride. By all means sing along. Who doesn't like a

good John Phillips Sousa song?

Verse:

March along, sing our song, with the Army of the free.

Count the brave, count the true, who have fought to victory.

We're the Army and proud of our name!

We're the Army and proudly proclaim:

Chorus:

First to fight for the right,

And to build the Nation’s might,

And The Army Goes Rolling Along.

Proud of all we have done,

Fighting till the battle’s won,

And the Army Goes Rolling Along.

Refrain:

Then it's Hi! Hi! Hey!

The Army's on its way.

Count off the cadence loud and strong (TWO! THREE!) –

For where e’er we go,

You will always know

That The Army Goes Rolling Along.

Baby Basket- A coffee group traditionally would thread a blue or pink ribbon

through a laundry basket and fill it with baby items for a Spouse who was expecting or had

a baby. Coffee group members would bring their unwrapped gifts to the regularly

scheduled coffee, placing them in the basket as they arrived. The expectant Spouse then

would be presented with the basket full of goodies during or after the Coffee. If you wish

to revive this tradition, remember what is done for one is done for all in the group!

Balls- Those wonderful events that celebrate our units and special events. Usually

held once a year, it is a formal gathering of leadership and Soldier alike. Each branch and

unit have special traditions that carry on over the years. Held in a larger venue, it can be a

sit down or buffet meal along with speeches and a presentation or two.

Battlefield Cross-The “battlefield “cross is made up of the Soldier’s pair of boots,

their rifle with dog tags hanging and their ballistic helmet placed atop the rifle.

Blessings- Also called Invocations- Words of comfort and encouragement

included in ceremonies, spoken by the Chaplain. Especially important during deployment

activities.

Business Cards- Who knew? Yes, they are still relevant. A simple card with your

name can be included in a gift bag, or used as a reminder for a verbal invitation (as in,

write the time and location on the business card and give it to your future guest). Use

good judgment on what might be on your card, of course. Traditionally, your card came in

handy when you arrived at a new duty station, and went for your Commanders Call to

introduce yourself. Business cards/calling cards are still sometimes used at a New Year’s

Reception. A silver salver placed by the entry way is a beautiful recognition of the practice,

as people would leave their cards or notes in it. Many would make note of a change of

address or take the opportunity to leave a message of good cheer on the back of their

card.

Bugle Calls- There's an app for that! Yes, you can download an app of bugle calls.

Great for that meeting that needs to have some comic relief :) There was a time when

clocks and such were not readily available. Soldiers and families relied on the Installation

to make everyone aware of what was going on. So, there is bugle call to wake up, one to

go to breakfast, one for lunch etc. The one we know best, is the call for Retreat. When the

flag comes down. It is the time of day we render honors. The music comes in two parts.

Stand with your hands at your sides, and face where you see the flag, or where you think

the flag is. There is a pause, perhaps a few seconds. This is when the cannon fires. Some

installations do not have the cannon fire, so there is just a small silence. You place your

hand over your heart for the second part of the bugle call. It is a time to reflect on the great

work that has been done on behalf of a grateful nation. When the music is over, get back

in your car or continue walking on your way, knowing you are fortunate to be a part of a

great tradition!

Change of Command- All units and organizations have leaders that rotate in and

out. Other nations are amazed that we pass the power and responsibility of command

from one team to another, without bloodshed or pain. It is a testament to the Nation, each

time the guidon is passed. To honor this peaceful shift, the Change of Command usually

has a small ceremony with food and drink shared afterward. The incoming team is on the

ground, eager to move forward. The outgoing team is respectful and doesn't linger, so as

to not impede the bonding that takes place with the new command team.

Change of Responsibility- The same as a Change of Command, usually used for

Command Sergeant Major or referencing a unit that is not designated as a "Command.”

Calling Cards- See Business Cards as that is the more current term that is used.

Traditionally, in the Army they were called Calling Cards. The custom of carrying calling or

visiting cards began in France in the early 1800's. It quickly spread throughout Europe

and then became vastly popular in the United States.

Ceremonies- Check with your Protocol Office for their guidance. There are a lot of

websites with great advice. Things to look for in the program: Indoor or Outdoor

Ceremony, sequence of events, standing for flower and/or gift presentation, and “Honors.”

Coffees- A term used to refer to a monthly gathering of the spouses of a unit. It is

NOT an official event. It is a time for friendship and to support one another. Some groups

have "dues" that cover a welcome and farewell gift. Some are quite active, others loosely

constructed. Generally they have a roster and are managed by the commander’s spouse.

It used to be broken down by rank. Officers had one group, the Enlisted had their own or a

mixture of both using the unit Hail and Farewell roster and gleaning the Spouses off of

that.

Corsages (Boutonnieres)- Yes. They are still a wonderful thing. Especially for the

spouse of an incoming senior official. Often there is a Welcome for the newcomer. A

corsage or boutonniere is traditionally given by the spouse of the Senior Enlisted within

the unit. Always have a pin, as well as another method (wrist corsage), to affix the flower

so as not to ruin any clothing!

Coming and Going- Please greet the host and hostess upon arriving to an event;

and please try to say your thanks and farewell upon your departure.

Cellphone Etiquette- Place cellphones on vibrate or silence upon arriving to an

event. Only emergency phone calls should be taken or returned during an event.

Cresting Ceremony- This ceremony serves as the formal unveiling of the unit

crest, and is an opportunity for key leaders to come together and celebrate the colors. The

unit crest is affixed outside, usually the battalion level and higher Commander’s and

Command Sergeant Major’s quarters, upon their assumption of command or

responsibility.

Cup and Flower Fund- An informal fund that is set up using a standard operating

procedure (SOP) in accordance with AR 600-29 regarding fundraising. Confer with your

legal assistance for guidance. This fund is typically set up and maintained by the Adjutant

for a headquarters to cover flowers (a welcome or farewell rose) and farewell gifts; and if

all are in agreement, baby cups for new babies, and flowers if there is a death in the

family.

Dining-In- Traditionally a “Dining-In” is a Soldiers only event. Dining-Ins build

esprit de corps and educate young unit members to formal social traditions. They are

extremely ceremonial with the President of the Dining-In, typically the Commanding

Officer, and a “Mr. Vice/Madam Vice,” the person responsible for the evening, usually

selected for possessing wit and the ability to speak. There are many toasts with the

appropriate responses printed in your program. There are also many traditions carried out

in the utmost seriousness with infractions incurred (trips to punch bowl).

Dining-Out- The tradition of the “Dining-In” but including spouses.

Dining Inside Out- A “Spouse Dining-In” with Mr. Vice and Rules of Order

usually conducted by a Spouses or Community Club.

Electriquette- Electronic protocol.

Electronic Invitations- Punchbowl; Evites; Air Force Institute of Technology E-

Invitations (Website: https://einvitations.afit.edu). Electronic invitations are now used for

Coffees, FRG events, Changes of Command and Changes of Responsibility. When used

for Commander and Command Sergeants Major Spouse Welcomes & Farewells, hard-

copy invitations should still be sent to the Senior Spouses of your unit as well as Spouses

to General Officers and Command Sergeants Major.

Esprit de Corps- From Army Doctrinal Publication 1.0, a jealous regard for the

honor of one’s unit. From the dictionary, the common spirit existing in the members of a

group and inspiring enthusiasm, devotion, and strong regard for the honor of the group

morale. From French, corps translates body and esprit translates spirit.

Email- A great way to send out communication to one or multiple sources for

coffee groups and FRGs. Please remember that messages can be forwarded so do not

send sensitive information via email. Also use the “bcc” line if sending out information to

many individuals as to keep email addresses confidential.

Flag Etiquette- Courtesy to the national flag is not just a matter for military service

members; all Americans should know the proper ways to show respect for our nation’s

symbol. For Retreat or Reveille on posts, when outdoors, stop and face the flag; military in

uniform salute; courtesy is for civilians to put their hand over their heart during “To the

Colors.” When the “National Anthem” is played outdoors and the flag is displayed, it is

customary to place your hand over your heart.

Facebook- (Closed and Secret Groups): A great way to keep the FRG informed

of events. Closed and Secret Groups are recommended for privacy but check with your

legal office, S6/G6 and the Commander for guidance.

Fallen Soldier Table- An important part of military etiquette is honoring Service

Members who have fallen in the line of duty. Remembering them honors their sacrifice

and that of their families. It also underscores the importance of the commitment to duty

made by the living. At military balls, reunions and other formal occasions, one beautiful,

thoughtful way to honor those who have died is a Fallen Soldier Table. Each element on

the table symbolizes something specific.

The table is set for one. A white tablecloth represents the purity of their intentions

to serve. Black represents our mourning. A single rose and single candle reminds us of

the families and loved ones, our comrades in arms, who keep the faith awaiting their

return. The sword and gloves remind us and are symbolic of our profession of arms. A

lemon wedge is placed on the bread plate to represent the bitter loss of the life of the

fallen Soldier. Salt is sprinkled over the lemon, and it represents tears shed for the Soldier

who is missed. A wine glass is placed upside-down to represent the fact that the fallen

comrade will not be able to participate in the happy toasts at this event. An empty chair

remains vacant for our Comrades. The Master of Ceremonies reads a script explaining

these elements and the significance of the Fallen Soldier’s Table in preparation for a

Silent Toast.

Family Readiness Group (FRG)- A unit organization supervised by the

commander to support Soldiers and Families, to provide communication and to promote

cohesion and readiness. FRGs consist of Soldiers, Family members and volunteers. By

utilizing the chain of command and community resources, FRG advisors, leaders and

volunteers create a climate of mutual support within the unit and community. FRGs play

an integral part in the unit. They were formerly known as Family Support Groups.

Farewells- These events whether formal or informal commemorate and celebrate

one’s service to their unit as they depart or PCS. Unit Farewells are typically for the

Commanders and Command Sergeants Major along with their Spouses (usually a

separate event like a Tea/Coffee/luncheon).

Formals- Similar to “Balls.” Ceremonial formal events with dinner and perhaps

dancing. The event dictates formal attire – ASU (Blue Mess or Blue Dress) with bow tie,

tuxedo or dark dinner jacket, and cocktail dress or evening formal gown for the ladies.

Funerals- The family ceremony for honoring and celebrating the life of a service

member who has died and usually involves arrangements for the burial or cremation.

Funerary customs comprise the complex of beliefs and practices used by a culture to

remember the loved one. A funeral for a military service member is usually held in their

home of record and where the service member will be interred.

Gift Giving- Check with Legal (Ethics Officer) for gift amounts and to whom you

may give or receive gifts. Coffee groups traditionally have an informal fund for farewell

gifts. Traditional welcome gifts are modest and reflect the unit or area; i.e. coffee table

book of the area, afghan of the post or unit, or unit cookbooks. Farewell gifts traditionally

reflect the unit, post or personality of the individual being farewelled; i.e. picture/painting of

their home, unit crested vases or platters, unique charms, or other such items within the

legal gift limits.

Gold Star Families- As defined on the Gold Star Wives' website, they are the

widows/widowers whose spouses died while serving in the Armed Forces of the United

States, or as result of service-connected disabilities; the widows/widowers of service

personnel of all armed conflicts involving the United States of America; the mothers and

fathers of children whose parents gave their life in the service of the country; and the

widows/widowers of service personnel of all ranks, races, and creeds. The Gold Star

Lapel pin (Gold Star on a purple background) is presented to surviving spouses, parents

and immediate family members of Armed Forces members killed in combat operations.

Next of Kin Pins (Gold Star on Gold background) are presented to immediate family

members of Armed Forces members who die while serving outside combat operations.

Guest Books- A wonderful memory of an event. Traditional guest books contain

guest signatures. A scrapbook is a wonderful item to hold menus, programs, and other

items for future reference.

Hail & Farewells- A time-honored tradition in a unit to welcome incoming folks and

to say farewell to members that are departing. The Adjutant prepares the guest list which

is usually established by the Chain of Command. This joint event of hailing and farewelling

traditionally is a dinner followed by remarks by the Commander who introduces the

incoming personnel and then farewells service members. There is usually a “Cup &

Flower Fund” that covers flowers and farewell gifts. Some units give yellow budded roses

to incoming spouses and fully opened, red roses to the departing spouses to symbolize

the love they have within the unit.

Honors to the Nation- Paying respect to a nation. If you are an American citizen

and they are playing our National Anthem, then one stands and places their right hand

over their heart. A Soldier salutes if in uniform. If another country’s national anthem is

playing, it is respectful to stand at attention while their song is being played.

Honors to the Host- Typically during a ceremony, honors are given to the host.

For a General Officer or other approved leader, “Ruffles & Flourishes” will be played along

with a gun-salute according to the rank. Soldiers will salute, and civilians will stand.

Holiday Receptions – see New Year’s Receptions

Hosting- It is always your prerogative to host an event in your home. The military

is well known for opening their homes to many events -- opening your home is opening

your heart to your guests. But, if you are uncomfortable doing that, feel free to meet at a

restaurant for a no-host event! Camaraderie is the strongest bond in the military. It

doesn’t matter the venue, it is the camaraderie and getting together that is the most

important element!

Hostess Gifts- Some of us have been told by our elders that we should not arrive

at someone’s home with one hand extended (in receiving) without the other hand having a

gift or contribution (potluck) in return in the other hand. Hostess gifts are simple tokens of

gratitude – a bottle of wine, flowers, candy, homemade goodies, a box of soap, or

candles. Something small but thoughtful. Some invitations will say no hostess gifts. As the

hostess, it is not required that you write a thank-you note for a hostess gift.

Information Briefs- Typically, the Senior Mission Commander along with ACS

and perhaps the Chief of Staff’s Spouse host a monthly meeting usually for the Spouses

of the Battalions, Brigades, Division Commanders/CSMs, and FRG Leaders.

Organizations share upcoming, monthly events and activities on post and brief about five

minutes with slides and handouts.

Invitations- Send 2-3 weeks in advance.

Introductions- Sex/Age/Position are the easiest ways to remember whom to

honor first. Sex: State the woman’s name before the man’s name. Age: State the elder

person’s name before the younger. Position/Rank: State the senior-ranking person’s name

before the junior.

LinkedIn- A business-oriented social networking service. Many retirees and Active

Duty service members use this service. Be aware that this system will auto generate

invites to join using your contacts.

Memorial Services- See Funeral. A Memorial Service is the religious service

for a Fallen Hero/Service Member, usually held in their hometown.

National Anthem- It is customary and honorable to stand at attention, face the

American flag and place your right hand over your heart.

New Year’s or Holiday Receptions- A commander’s holiday reception is an

annual tradition designed to provide an opportunity for units to socialize outside of work

with the community and to thank them for their continued support. For over a hundred

years, military custom called for Soldiers to travel to their headquarters to greet their

commander at the beginning of the new year. In the post-Civil War era, particularly for the

horse cavalry in the American West, this might be the only opportunity during the entire

year when commanders were able to physically see the Soldiers in their charge. Over the

years the tradition evolved into a formal receiving line where the commander and spouse

would greet members of the organization, senior leaders, and community members and

host a reception. The Commander would typically host the Reception in their home and

invitees would bring Calling Cards. The custom has changed to host an event (daytime or

evening event) sometime in January in their home or the post club and Calling Cards are

no longer a requirement.

Open House- Usually an event at the Commander’s or Command Sergeant

Major’s home celebrating the holidays with their unit’s Senior Officers and Non-

Commissioned Officers.

OPSEC- Operational Security. Please always keep OPSEC in mind when sending

out via Social media, i.e. Facebook messages about deployments or redeployment

ceremonies, Twitter and Snapchat.

Parades and Review- Military parades are ceremonial. The Pass in Review is a

long-standing military tradition that began as a way for a newly assigned commander to

inspect his troops. Visiting officers and guest speakers are also invited to review the

troops.

Pounding Basket- Giving a pounding basket is an old-fashioned way to welcome

new neighbors. Bringing over some items to help stock their pantry with non-perishable

foods or cleaning supplies is a thoughtful and helpful gesture. Some trace it back to the

Revolutionary War when basic necessities were very hard to come by and only a very few

spouses accompanied their husbands to the front lines. Others attribute this tradition to

the Quaker culture which would use these baskets as a welcome gift, a wedding gift, or a

house warming gift for a family who just built a new home. Though “pounding baskets” are

rarely done today, they are still part of Army spouses’ traditions. They have been adapted

as ‘welcome wagon’ baskets with baked goods, wine, flowers, etc., or as a baby basket

with donated gift items that are collected and presented to the new mom at a unit coffee.

Promotions (& Party)- A wonderful event to celebrate a Soldier’s accomplishment

and the Army’s vision to see the Soldier at the next level of responsibility. Promotion

parties should not break the bank. Enjoy this moment with friends and family!

“Your presence is the present”- Your attendance at an event is the true gift.

Punch Bowl or Grog Bowl Ceremony- A punch bowl ceremony is usually

conducted during unit balls or Dining-Ins/Outs with the unit history recited along with

adding “spirits” depicting the campaigns/unit ribbons. This is all carried out with flair and

pomp and circumstance

Receiving Lines- A receiving line is a practical and efficient way to accomplish a

greeting. Receiving lines are frequently used to greet a new commander and spouse after

his or her change of command ceremony, at traditional holiday receptions, and at unit

Balls. Typically, the receiving line is formed first by the unit Adjutant (and they do not

shake hands with the guests), next is the host and their Spouse, etc. For Army functions,

ladies precede their gentleman guest walking through the receiving line, but there are so

many variations these days that it is best to check with your local Protocol Office for their

guidelines.

R.s.v.p.- Repondez s’il vous plait. Respond, if you please, within 24-48 hours.

(Change of) Responsibility Ceremonies - see “Change of Responsibility”

Retirement Ceremonies- A ceremony honoring and celebrating a Service

Member’s career.

Reciprocity- Reciprocate return invitations in your own style. Invite those to your

home that have invited you to their home. For example, the boss invites you to their

home for a gourmet, steak dinner, so you might return the invitation to your home with

dessert and champagne.

Red Carpet- The “Red Carpet” is to honor those IN the receiving line shaking

hands with the invitees. Tips of toes on the edge of the carpet. Reference Department of

the Army Pamphlet 600-60 paragraph 3-2(2).

Regrets only- This is a type of response indicated on an invitation. It means that

you call only if you cannot attend. It is more challenging for the hostess as it assumes that

everyone receives and reads the invitation.

Retreat- A Retreat ceremony serves a twofold purpose. It signals the end of the

official duty day and serves as a ceremony for paying respect to the flag. Because the

time for the end of the duty day varies, the commander designates the specific time for the

retreat ceremony. On an Army post, military personnel outside, stop and face the direction

of the post flag. After Retreat has been placed, Soldiers present Arms (salute). The

national anthem or “To the Colors” is sounded. Civilians place their hands over their heart.

Individuals in cars, stop and get out; but always be aware of the traffic. Check with your

post for their local customs and courtesies.

Reveille- Reveille is the signal for the start of the official duty day. Because the

time for the start of the duty day varies between bases, the commander designates the

specified time for reveille. If the commander desires, a reveille ceremony may accompany

the raising of the flag. This ceremony takes place in the vicinity of the base flagstaff and is

held after sunrise. After reveille has been played, the unit commander commands

ATTENTION and Present ARMS and then faces the flagstaff and executes present arms.

On this signal, the national anthem or “To the Colors” is sounded.

Ruffles & Flourishes- Ruffles and Flourishes are sounded to render honors and

precede prescribed music for personnel being honored, usually General Officers during

ceremonies. Soldiers salute and civilians stand at attention.

Service Banners- A service flag or service banner in the U.S. is an official

banner that family members of service members can display. The flag or banner is defined

as a white field with a red border, with a blue star for each family member serving in the

Armed Forces of the United States during any period of war or hostilities in which the

Armed Forces of the United States are engaged. A gold star (with a blue edge) represents

a family member that died during service, without specifying cause of death. The

deceased might have been killed in action or died due to unrelated causes. A silver star

banner was added after the Iraq conflict. It honors those who were wounded or incurred

an illness during combat while honorably serving in the U.S. Armed Forces. It may be

flown anytime, not just wartime, by anyone in remembrance of our wounded, ill or dying

veterans.

Senior Spouse Welcomes and Farewells- A time-honored tradition. Check your

unit/post Spouse Social guide for specific guidance. The Army Wife Handbook is also a

great reference.

Spouses’ Clubs- It is wonderful to join a Spouses’ Club for fellowship,

camaraderie, and networking! Spouses’ Clubs give back to their communities through

welfare grants and scholarships. They are a private organization that usually have a

membership fee and many social activities to participate in.

Teas- The traditional way of welcoming and farewelling Senior Spouses. Usually

includes a Receiving Line, Tea/Coffee/Punch Pouring, simple desserts, and a gift

presentation.

Table Settings- Formal or Informal settings. Make a copy of the table setting

guide on page 6 and keep it handy as a reference to begin with. A great website for help

is http://emilypost.com/advice/formal-place-setting/. Use your common sense as to

what items (plates and utensils) that you have available and which items you will need to

use for your meal. Try to be symmetric with utensils (fork and napkin on the left and knife

and spoon on the right), but also enjoy your hostess duties and be imaginative if not being

traditional.

Toasting- Most formal dinners have a program with a set toasting sequence. The

Toast and then a Response are both typed out. If you are giving the toast, be bold and

loud so everyone can hear the importance of the person or group that you are honoring

and recognizing. Toasting includes a sip of wine or water.

Thank You Notes- Depending on the event, hand-written, phone call, email or text

are great ways of sending your thanks to your host and hostess. The gracious hosts have

spent many hours preparing for the event, and a lovely handwritten note of thanks is

always appreciated!

Thanksgiving Dinner at the Dining Facility- A tradition for the Officers of the unit

along with their Command Sergeant Major to serve the Thanksgiving meal to their

Soldiers at the Dining Facility.

Telephone Etiquette- When at all possible, speak in private.

Text Etiquette- Although very common, it is a limited way to communicate an

important sentiment. A rule of thumb, text when you have to communicate a change of

plans or an estimated time of arrival. Pick up the phone when you want to have a

conversation.

Unit Memorials- Unit Memorial Ceremonies are an integral part of the fabric of

the unit. Of all the activities in the life cycle of a group, Unit Memorial Ceremonies are

extremely important and require special care. It is said that a Nation is judged by how

it treats those that have made the ultimate sacrifice. We are the stewards of a most

sacred process. The Memorials on our installations need to be kept in good stead.

Those stationary memorials (a bench, tree or stone that serves to remind those

serving of the cost of freedom) found in the unit areas should always be well tended

and in good repair, especially on Memorial Day or when Gold Star Families are in the

area for a remembrance ceremony. One of the most important things to pass from

outgoing leadership to the incoming leadership is the unit’s Fallen Heroes Memorial

Book containing information regarding Memorials and Ceremonies along with special

customs and points of contact. It is important to remember that future events will be

built upon your contributions to honor those who are deserving of the effort.

Volunteers- Ensure that all volunteers for Spouses’ Clubs, FRGs, Red Cross, etc.

are registered in the Volunteer Management Information System (VMIS). Volunteers play

an integral role in the life of Soldiers and their Families and are found throughout the

military community. VMIS assists the Army Volunteer Corps manage these dedicated

volunteers and allows volunteers a way to track their hours, awards, training and

certificates.

“Volunteer of the Year” Ceremonies- Acknowledging Volunteers for all the time

and effort that they give selflessly to their units and posts. If possible, please attend these

important ceremonies to honor all Volunteers. It’s a unit’s responsibility, but if you are a

senior spouse, please ensure those who do volunteer are adequately honored and

thanked.

Warrant Officers- Warrant Officers in the United States are classified as officers.

They are technical leaders and specialists. Chief warrant officers are commissioned by the

President of the United States and take the same oath as regular commissioned officers.

They may be technical experts with a long service as enlisted personnel or direct entrants,

notably for U.S. Army helicopter pilots.

Welcomes- Welcomes or Teas are traditionally for the Spouses of the

Commander and Command Sergeant Major. They consist of a receiving line, guest book,

a small token unit welcome gift, light foods, punch, traditional tea and coffee pouring, and

a cake. A corsage or a boutonniere is always a nice touch.

~ PART FIVE ~

References, Recommended

Resources &

Acknowledgments

Army Regulation 600-25. Salutes, Honors and Visits of Courtesy.

Army Regulation 670-1. Wear and Appearance of Army Uniforms.

Army Regulation 840-10. Flags, Guidons, Streamers, Tabards, and Automobile and

Aircraft Plates.

Department of the Army Pamphlet 600-60. A Guide to Protocol and Etiquette for

Official Entertainment.

Air Force Space Command Protocol Office. ‘Til Wheels Are Up.

Baldridge, Letitia. (1993). Letitia Baldrige’s New Complete Guide to Executive

Manners. Macmillan Publishing Company.

Crossley, Ann & Keller, Carol. (1993). The Army Wife Handbook. 2

ed. Florida: ABI

Press.

McCaffree, Mary Jane, & Innis, Pauline. (1989). Protocol, The Complete Handbook of

Diplomatic, Official and Social Usage. California: Devon Publishing Company.

Morrison, Terri & Conaway, Wayne. (2006). Kiss, Bow, or Shake Hands, 2nd edition.

Avon, MA: Adams Media.

Office of the Administrative Assistant to the Secretary of the Army, The Institute of

Heraldry. (2106). U.S. Flag Etiquette. Retrieved April 2016, from

http://www.tioh.hqda.pentagon.mil/FAQs/Faqs.aspx

Reynard, Bibs. (2014).The Once Over Lightly. Centreville, VA: Springfield Printing &

Graphics.

Swartz, Oretha. (1988). Service Etiquette. 4th ed. Annapolis, MD: U.S. Naval Institute

Press.

U.S. Army War College Spouses Academic Year 2011. Basics From the Barracks,

Military Etiquette and Protocol. Carlisle Barracks, PA: U.S. Army War College.

U.S. Army War College Spouses Academic Year 2010. The Company Commanders

Spouse Battle Book. Carlisle Barracks, PA: U.S. Army War College.

U.S. Army War College Spouses Academic Year 1996. It Takes A Team. Carlisle

Barracks, PA: U.S. Army War College.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

A special thank-you to our contributors for assistance in the production of this guide:

TRADOC Executive Services Office, Holly Dailey, Claudia Davenport, Angel Mangum,

Katie McMaster, Ginger Perkins, Valerie Walker, and the current and former TRADOC

Senior Spouses.